how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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