My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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