So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
