i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
