btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
