walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
