Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
