I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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