I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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