I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
