Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
