RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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