so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
