I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
