By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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