Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
