is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
