his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
