Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
