i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
