So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
