i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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