I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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