I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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