Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
