He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
