What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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