new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
