I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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