New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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