you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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