I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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