Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
