Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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