don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do vagina's smell?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
