so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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