I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
