yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
