1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
