dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
