My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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