Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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