I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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