life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
