I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
