I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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