And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
