I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
