I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
