A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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