i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
