If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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