My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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