GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
