I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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