batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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