Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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