Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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