Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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