I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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