Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
