Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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