hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
