so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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