Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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