i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
