Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
