i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
