so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
