4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
