She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
