I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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