umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
