there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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