well you can't waste a boner
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
