why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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