is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
