I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
