OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
