i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
