happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
