my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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