tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize