she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize