i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
