I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
