she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
nutella sex= disaster
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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