Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
